first.

Throughout life you always think of being first as being a success. Everyone strives to win first place, to be first in line, or even first to get the new iPhone. But no one ever talks about what it's like to be the first one of your friends to have a baby.

When Chad and I got married we were one of the first out of our group of friends. Many of our friends even now are still very much single and living life as if they were still in college. They haven't even thought twice about the idea of starting a family except maybe on their Pinterest account. So why does this matter? If the timing was right for us, who cares if we were the first? Because being a new mom is hard when you feel alone. 

Granted, I have a few really incredible women in my life that have small kids and I wouldn't trade those relationships for the world but they are also about 10 years older than me. I feel like it is nearly impossible to find anyone in their early 20's who have kids in our area. I have always visualized Chad and one of his good friends on the couch talking about how life is being a dad and then the wife and I in the kitchen trading poopy diaper stories. But, life just didn't work out that way for us. It's really hard because most of our friends probably won't even start a family until we are done having kids.

So what's my point? 

Attempting to plan ahead to have a good support system is everything. I was so thankful that my family moved to be near us and I am super grateful for the few mom's who have taken me under their wing. There is nothing in the world like being at the end of your rope, exhausted, with no one who understands what you're going through. It also gets extremely hard to be so tired with puke all over your clothes and seeing all of your friends on Instagram out late without a care in the world.

I constantly remind myself-- the life that I have I wouldn't trade for the world. Honestly. Baby Jack has taught me how to be selfless and how to love in a way I didn't know possible. Although times get hard I know that God has me exactly where I am today for a reason and He will provide the strength I need.

♥︎